


Smug, Salacious and Sticky-Sweet

by LandOfMistAndSecrets



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Earth C, F/F, Post-Canon, Tricksters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-25
Updated: 2017-08-25
Packaged: 2018-12-19 14:55:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11900097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LandOfMistAndSecrets/pseuds/LandOfMistAndSecrets
Summary: Rose makes plans for her and Kanaya's anniversary. Jasprose derails it all with a startling discovery. On purpose, you say? Well. You can't prove a thing.In which Rose licks a lollipop, crashes a kitchenette, flirts with several well dressed women, and embarrasses the living shit out of her wife and mother, among others.





	Smug, Salacious and Sticky-Sweet

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HeinousActsZX](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeinousActsZX/gifts).



> Thank you for the prompt!

Rose stood on top of a familiar hill, arms crossed, surveying the situation with narrowed eyes. She had intended to come here by herself. She was here to scope out possibilities, to weigh and accept or discard them based on her gut instincts. _Alone_.

She suspected her unwanted companion knew all of that. 

She sighed. So much for authenticity.

"Jasprose," she snapped, fingers jerking as she smoothed her hair back beneath her headband. The breeze had been nice on the way over, but now it was just irritating, tickling around her ears. "I know you’re here." 

A flash of pink streaked through the trees around the clearing. Accompanying it came a low-pitched purring laugh. Oh, yes. Most definitely Jasprose, sneaking after her as though she could possibly miss the strobe-like flashing luminosity of a sprite squared at the height of mischief. Rose lifted her chin, squared her shoulders, and made a decision: if the damn sprite wasn’t going to interact with her directly, Rose simply wouldn’t acknowledge her. Jasprose thrived off attention, and Rose knew all too well how effective a tactic willful disregard of her presence could be. 

She started down the hill, looking everywhere but at the sparkling pink flashes at the corners of her eyes. 

It was her anniversary, soon. Just a few short days, really. And though it had been a year of marriage -- and more than that, if you factored in the dating -- she still felt like a silly blushing virgin when it came to preparing sincere romantic gestures. It was the act of _planning_ them, she thought. Spontaneous romance wasn’t so hard. Living in the moment, acting on instinct day to day -- that had gotten her through this far. But how to prepare something premeditated without going overboard? Without planning too much or too little, without… 

She shook her head, snorting at her own insufferable insecurity. _Jesus, Rose. It’s a fucking date, and far from your first, so just handle it._

What if a picnic was too rustic? No, Kanaya loved the outdoors. She loved the sunlight and the birds and the grass, especially here, on the very hill where they’d said their vows almost exactly one year prior. It was meaningful. It was romantic. It would be fine. No -- perfect. It had to be perfect, and that was the problem. 

Something rustled in the trees, and Rose made a point of not looking, setting her jaw. She could hear the damn purring from here. 

Was it too much to plan the exact spot? Maybe it should just be at the very top of the hill, again. Maybe she could put together a replica of the arch they’d stood under together -- or hell, even find the exact one. Between Jade and Roxy someone was bound to be able to tell her which stockpile all those props had been stored in. That would be nice, wouldn’t it? There was still plenty of time for that. She could -- 

"Rose," a familiar, gleeful little trill, playfully rolling the R in her name out into an overlong syllable. _Rrrrrrose._ She tucked her breeze-tousled hair back again behind her ear, took a deep breath, and turned to face her nemesis. 

"Jasprose," she said, inclining her head. 

"If you’re planning your anniversary date, and there’s no need to confurrm or deny because it’s quite obvious that’s exactly what you’re about, I think I have found for you the purrfect spot!" The sprite swung itself directly in front of her, positively preening. 

"That’s nice," Rose said, stepping past her. She could sense the sprite following as she continued moving, briskly, with nary a glance back. "But I would prefer to put this together on my own." 

"Are you sure about that? You seem inordinately stressed about this. It’s just like you to overthink something so simple. Why, the general trajectory of this entire situation has been obvious to me from the very beginning --" 

Rose spun around, clapping one hand to her forehead. This damn cat version of her was so god damned unfiltered, it was obscene. " _Thank you_ , Jasprose, but I assure you, your assistance is absolutely not required. And just to be clear, you are not invited to the actual date."

"Rose, please! Obviously I wouldn’t barge into the middle of such an intimate event. I doubt I could stand it, anyway. All that awkward sexual tension! Is it appropriate to sniff at each other out here in the open? No one is here to see, but technically you’re outdoors. The both of you are just going to think yourselves in silly circles all evening, I couldn’t bear to watch it." 

"Christ," Rose muttered, cheeks reddening, palm sliding down her forehead to cover her face. 

"I think you already have everything planned out adequately and have now reached the stage where you’re just going to chase your own tail until the day comes. Does that sound right? If you’re this stressed out now, just imagine how you’ll be later this week. That doesn’t sound fun. It sounds fairly pawful, in fact." 

"As much as I appreciate this frank psychoanalysis --" 

"Oh, I’m sure," Jasprose grinned, floating in with utter regard for personal boundaries, pressing her furry cheek against Rose’s. "You may not like it, but you need it every bit as badly as everyone else needs to hear your analysis from you." 

Rose pushed her away, taking a startled step back. "I’ve never heard a more compelling case for keeping my thoughts to myself from now on." 

Jasprose just laughed. "As if you could!" She shook her head. "I think that what you need right now is a distraction, Rose. Something to take the weight off your shoulders. Something else for your busy mind to chew on so it doesn’t devour itself in a flurry of second guesses. Do you know what I like best about being part cat, Rose?" 

"Let me guess. No more second guessing." 

"Exactly right! Now, I can’t make you part cat, and I doubt you would want that even if I could, but I did find _this_ , all lonely and forgotten in the trees." 

She pulled something out from within her garish, flashing robes, and Rose squinted at it, brows wrinkling. Then her eyes flew wide open with disbelief. 

It was a fucking lollipop. _The_ lollipop, swirled with alternating red and green, bits of grass and leaves sticking to it in places. Jasprose cheerfully picked these off it with her claws, flicking the foliage carelessly away. 

" _That_ was just sitting out there in the trees?" 

"Well, where else would it be? No one bothered to clean up after themselves after the ceremony!" 

"I assumed Callie had retrieved it at some point! In fact, I had hoped Roxy might have convinced her to lock it away somewhere where it could never trouble us again." 

"Don’t be such a sourpuss. I know fur a _fact_ you found the entire display very ameowsing." 

Rose said nothing, but she did cross her arms, again. "Maybe you should take that back to Callie," she suggested. 

"If that’s what you want to do with it, you can take it back," Jasprose trilled, practically tossing the thing at her. Rose made a very undignified sound, a sort of half-gasp, half-yelp, and scrambled to catch it on pure instinct. This she did successfully, but her fingers closed around the actual sugary side of the thing, and she winced at the texture of it -- sticky. 

"God damn it," she hissed, wiping her hand on her skirt. "You’re the one who unearthed this thing." 

"And you’re the lucky one who gets to decide what to do with it! But between you and me, Rose, I think you could do with a little loosening up. I cannot believe how uptight you are, sometimes! Thank goodness I personally no longer suffer under the muzzle of your fucked up human sensibilities." Jasprose clapped her hands together, emitting another purring laugh that sounded so unbelievably unnatural it raised the hairs on the back of Rose’s neck. "Good luck. And don’t worry. I won’t spoil the surprise for Kanaya. No need to thank me!" 

"Wait," Rose demanded, lunging forward, but Jasprose just laughed at her and took off like a rocket, transitioning from flashing fuschia catgirl to a blurry pink stripe in an instant. 

Rose considered chasing after, but -- no. Pointless. The cat instincts made Jasprose by far the better of them when it came to idiotic games of hide and seek. 

So she considered the lollipop. 

She remembered it all perfectly, of course. Callie had appeared with it soon after the cake had been cut. The reaction had been confusion and alarm, but it had seemed to her that there was some level of _compulsion_ involved with the thing, too. Like despite knowing its effects her friends had been compelled to partake of the confection, damn the consequences. 

Well, it didn’t seem so irresistible to her. Maybe it was a fake. It would be just like Jasprose to try and trick her into returning a fake juju to her mother’s favorite alien. She swore there was almost a veneer of vindictiveness to Jasprose’s relationship with her, sometimes -- just the faintest bit, but there nonetheless. 

She thought about just tossing it back into the trees and forgetting it ever existed. 

But, strangely, the more she considered it, the more she found the thought… untenable. Hm. 

She considered it again, peering at it more closely. Upon second examination, it did look like it might be… delicious? Jasprose had even managed to remove most of the detritus accumulated on it from a year of lying forgotten in a copse of trees. It would probably be... 

"Good _lord_ ," she gasped, realizing she was lifting the thing to her face without hardly thinking. It was a compulsion, then. 

Well. She would just have to resist. 

Cursing Jasprose under her breath, she lowered the lollipop and lifted into the air, fully intending to return the juju to its original owner. It wasn’t so far a distance by flight. She could make it before sundown. And then she could get back to the business of planning the perfect anniversary date. 

Everything would be fine. 

*

Kanaya was standing in the middle of a nursing cavern, smiling vacantly at an eager young jadeblood reciting numbers at her. She really should have known this girl’s name, but there were so damn many faces, lately. How could anyone possibly be expected to keep the right names attached to so many _faces_? This new planet of theirs was more populated than Alternia had been. And that was good, of course. Obviously. But Kanaya had never had to deal with this many individual beings in her entire life, and that was without even considering the grubs. 

This one was listing off production numbers, she thought, and then she winced at her own terminology. It felt terribly callous, referring to what the revered Mother Grub did in the deepest levels of this cavern as production. But it was technically accurate. 

The jadeblood girl flipped a page, and Kanaya’s heart sunk a little. Her smile felt plastic on her face. Oh, dear. The numbers didn’t stop coming. They’d stopped meaning anything to her awhile ago, but the girl just looked so enthusiastic, listing them off. It’d be rude to stop her. Clearly she had put some real work into these dubiously useful and probably unnecessary reports. 

Behind her, there was a worrisome gnawing sound, followed by the sound of another jadeblood attendant _tsking_ loudly. A patter of feet and a scrabbling of wiggler claws. 

"How many times have I told you, no gnawing on the convenience plane pillars," a girl rebuked the offending wiggler. This was followed up shortly by a gasp and a fervently muttered curse. "No! No gnawing on _me_ , either!" A heavy _thud_. 

And still, the numbers came. 

Kanaya was just about to open her mouth to put an end to it, manners be damned, when a different sort of sound caught everyone’s attention all at once. Even the supremely dedicated numbers girl stuttered to a halt, spinning around, and Kanaya stared over her jade-freckled shoulder, brow furrowing.

The sound was loud, high-pitched, and _whining_. Almost like some sort of mechanical power tool, but much too smooth. What the fuck was going on? Was someone coming through the wall of her nursery cave? Who or what would be doing that? And _why_?

Pebbles shook free, dislodging from the ceiling and the wall around the sound, then pieces of rock too large to call pebbles, bouncing off each other to the floor. When the rock began to glow orange-red with heat, Kanaya snapped into action. Who or whatever it was, if it wanted her grubs, it would have to get through her, first.

"Everyone down to the bottom," she announced, slipping a tube of lipstick discreetly from her pocket into one hand. She pointed to the rocky slope at the back of the cave that twisted down to the level below, and the level below that and so on until eventually they reached the Mother Grub’s lair. "Get to the Mother Grub and stay there until I say otherwise." She must have sounded authoritative indeed, because numbers girl spun back around, snapped her open mouth shut and nodded once, and then everyone in the cave was moving at once. Some went to collect errant wigglers -- the eggs, thank goodness, were further down -- and others snapped up bags and books and supplies as they beelined for the back. 

The glowing spot in the wall grew larger as the attendants vacated with the wigglers, and Kanaya realized it was forming a shape in the rock. A long, rectangular shape, not unlike a… door? Or maybe a very large window.

The rectangle completed itself, the noise faded to ringing silence, and the slab of rock inside the shape slid helplessly forward and clattered to the ground in a series of heavy _thunks_. 

And behind it, the perpetrator of this vandalism… 

" _Rose_?" Kanaya gaped. At least, she thought it was Rose. It had Rose’s shape, her general form, and one of her familiar magical knitting needles extended forward like a wizard’s wand, still sparking with expended power. But the colors were bright and garish, nothing like Rose’s typical ensemble. In fact, they were so bright they were hard to look directly at, all neon yellow and searing pink. They reminded Kanaya of Dave’s outfit, actually, back when … 

Her eyes widened. _Oh._

Rose lifted her head and pulled back her hood -- the same ganderbulb forking pink and yellow, embellished with cyan heart eyes stitched unsettlingly over it -- and oh, yes. There could be no doubt. 

"Rose," Kanaya said again, meeting her eyes, pocketing her lipstick again with a flick of her wrist. "What the fuck is going on?" 

"Oh, very good!" Rose said, and her voice was pitched higher than usual, almost sing-song, and she floated in through the hole she’d carved in the wall like it was the most natural thing in the world. "What a _very_ good question. Full marks for you, my dear. Let’s see. Ah, yes." She batted her eyes. Grinned so wide Kanaya could see all her teeth. "Allow me to explain." 

"Please do," Kanaya said, hands fisted on her hips. 

Rose swooped in, faster than even Kanaya’srainbow drinker instincts could prepare her for, laughing -- no, _giggling_ \-- and taking her by the arms. Kanaya made a distressed sound, and Rose lifted her up like she weighed absolutely nothing at all, spinning her around in the air. Kanaya clutched at her arms, gasping. 

"It’s very simple!" Rose announced, still spinning them. Kanaya tried to concentrate on her face. Rose’s eyes were wide, her pupils larger than she’d ever seen them, lips still split into that unnaturally wide grin. It was a bit terrifying… Which, of course, was appealing in a way that was too embarrassing to think too hard about. "You see, it is our _anniversary_ in just a few short days! You remember, don’t you? Anniversaries? They’re much shorter than the solar sweeps you navigated by on Alternia, but I thought it would be a marvelous idea to celebrate ours all the same. The general orbit of our planet around this lovely new star does match the Earth system far better, you know." 

"Rose," Kanaya panted, closing her eyes, trying her best to ignore their own orbital movements. "I know what an anniversary is." In fact, she’d already prepared a gift. Most likely a horribly inadequate one, but. Still. Mercifully, Rose halted their spinning and switched to simply holding Kanaya in the air before her. Kanaya was glad for this, because if she’d set her down right then it was possible she would have just keeled right over in dizzy defeat. She blinked her eyes furiously, trying to clear her head. 

"Oh good. You can never be too careful when it comes to issues of cultural sensitivity." She winked. "Now then! Of course I was _oh_ so busy planning out the perfect date for the occasion. And it is going to be perfect, by the way. I have very cleverly recruited the outrageously talented Crocker family to prepare an immaculate meal for us. I do hope you don’t mind that I won’t be preparing it personally?" 

Kanaya could barely follow this babble, let alone answer, but Rose didn’t seem to mind. She simply nodded once, taking Kanaya’s silence apparently for assent, and continued right on. "I’m so glad. It’s for the best, you know. Unlike the rest of my family -- let’s not name names, but really -- I’m no slouch in the kitchen, exactly, but who can hold a candle to the Crockers? And believe me, I don’t put the talents of others above my own lightly!" 

"Rose," Kanaya said, weakly. It had to end. 

"Anyway! This scrumptious meal will be lovingly packed into cute yet sensible little baskets, which I will dutifully transport along with _you_ , my darling wife, back to the site of our marriage ceremony!" 

And at this, finally, she paused. She tilted her head, as though she was expecting some response. Compliments, probably. The silence lengthened. Rose’s eyebrows climbed expectantly.

"Uh," Kanaya said, intelligently, still blinking. "I see." 

"Doesn’t it just sound _lovely_?" 

"Well," 

"What follows will be the most perfect and beautiful and _perfectly beautiful_ picnic anyone has ever had or seen. A deliciously intimate evening gathering, culminating just as the fireflies begin to appear. It will be _breathtaking,_ Kanaya. Absolutely breathtaking. Can’t you just see it?" Rose spun her around again, but thankfully, only the once. Her hair was blue, Kanaya noted, dazed. How strange. "And as we finish our lovingly prepared meal, I will affect a most dashing demeanour and proceed to take you in my arms, my wonderful, amazing, gorgeous and yes, dare I say _irresistible_ wife, and then I shall seduce you utterly right there upon a blanket beneath the stars." 

" _Rose_ ," Kanaya coughed, cheeks heating considerably. She shook off Rose’s grip and stepped back, shooting a guilty look at the back of the caverns. Thankfully, the attendants had all followed orders. She and Rose were alone in the room. Though… there was still a hole in the wall. Who knew who might be listening on the other side? 

"Yes? Doesn’t it sound amazing?" Rose clasped her hands together, sighing theatrically, fluttering her eyelashes. Kanaya swallowed hard. 

"Well. Yes. I -- of course it does! But I doubt that you actually intended to tell me all of that, and besides, you are obviously under the influence of that damn cherub juju --" 

"No, no, don’t you worry about that! Who cares about that. The _juju_?" Rose half laughed, half scoffed, waving a careless hand. "Oh! But that’s right. Silly me, I nearly forgot." She spun in a slow circle, arms outspread, like she was appealing beatifically to a crowd. "I fully intended to return it to Callie. I’m sure she’ll be thrilled to have it back. And very grateful to yours truly, don’t you think?" She stopped spinning and pinned Kanaya with a shrewd, smirking stare. "Won’t you come with? I have so much more to tell you about. So many more _plans_ , Kanaya, my darling, the plans! The sheer quantity, the _quality_! You absolutely will not believe everything I have in mind!"

"Well," Kanaya said, eyeing her critically. "I think it would probably be idiotic of me to leave you like this." Not to mention, it was obvious that arguing with this woman right now would be pointless.

Rose laughed, high pitched and so very much more delighted than Rose ever truly sounded. She clapped her hands, her lips twitching into an almost mocking little smirk. "I seem to find myself in need of your impeccable grubsitting services. Is there a more renowned expert in the field than you? I think not!"

"I hope that once we’re done with," Kanaya paused, failed to find the words, and threw her hands helplessly into the air. "With whatever _this_ is, you are planning to become an expert at repairing holes in walls."

Rose swooped down at her, still laughing that unsettling laugh, and swept Kanaya up easily into her arms. She lifted her like she weighed nothing at all. "Don’t you worry about that," she practically purred into her ear. "Don’t you worry about a _thing_. It’s all very simple, you’ll see. I have _everything_ figured out." 

Kanaya looped an arm around Rose’s neck and craned her own head around to peek at the cavern entrance in the back. Several pairs of wide eyes stared back at her, peeking around the rocky archway. A little ping of guilt went through her. No time to explain, and better if Rose didn’t notice them, probably. 

"I think it’s best if we find Callie right away," Kanaya said. Though, honestly, the last time something like this had happened, she hadn’t seemed very concerned. Or inclined to help. "You… know where she is, don’t you?" 

"Do I know where she is!" Rose twirled them up together, zipping back out the same still-smoking hole in the wall she’d created. "Kanaya, really! Ask yourself this: Is there anything I don’t know?" 

"Well," she said, unsure how to respond. 

"I think you will find I am _ludicrously_ well informed about any and possibly all numbers of things, thank you very much. Such as, for instance, how much you are going to absolutely love the disgustingly privileged evening I have in mind for us. You see, we are going to pay a well deserved visit to the most famous bakery and kitchenette in the entirety of the aptly titled Human Kingdom. Perhaps too aptly, don’t you think? Bit on the nose. All function, no style -- but the cakes, Kanaya. The cakes." 

"Yes, the cakes. Does Jane know about this? Also, you said we were looking for Callie." 

"Shush," Rose said, pulling her outrageous hood back over her eyes and grinning down at her maniacally. The effect was more unsettling than Kanaya was strictly willing to admit. "It’s all part of the plan! You see, I can’t recall a single Friday evening since Jane cut the red tape on her _oh_ so exclusive establishment that Roxy and Callie weren’t in attendance for dinner." She gave a single prim sniff, her grin twisting into an equally exuberant smirk. "Didn’t I say I knew just about everything?" 

"Rose. That sounds like a rather private sort of thing." 

"Nonsense, they’ll be overjoyed to see us," Rose kicked forward in the air, and the wind caught Kanaya’s breath, stealing whatever protests she might have come up with next. She clung to Rose instead, desperately trying to come up with apologies and excuses in advance. 

Whatever this was going to be, it was sure to be very, very awkward. 

*

Rose hummed aloud as they approached their destination, the twinkling lights of Jane Crocker’s bustling baking capital of the world stretched out before them in the deepening twilight. She could have kept up this evening sojourn all night; just her and Kanaya, shooting together across the horizon like some low-flying wish-upon-a-star. Her humming dissolved into giggles. Wish upon your gods. God, Jane’s city smelled nothing like a city should. It smelled _divine_. Like a goddamn fairy tale. She inhaled deeply as she dove down. Kanaya gasped at the sudden drop in altitude, squeezing her tight. Rose squeezed her back, waggling her eyebrows. This gesture, sadly, went entirely unnoticed. 

It smelled like fresh bread and roasting walnuts, rich and irresistible, with just a hint of nebulous sugary sweet faintly underlying it all. Thank god she didn’t live here, she’d never stop eating. Jane’s private kitchenette sat at the very top of Crocker Corporate -- very exclusive, just like she’d said -- and Rose flew them in close, relying on Kanaya to keep clinging to her while she freed one hand to tap on one window. Using the door just seemed so _mundane_. Why bother? 

Inside, the diners nearest the window startled visibly, a few practically leaping up from their seats. This began a chain reaction inside the little restaurant: Well-dressed humans and trolls alike all began pointing and fanning themselves and good _lord_ , such theatrics. Such dramatics. This was going to be so very much fun. 

Several of the diners seemed to recognize her... or maybe Kanaya? Most likely both of them, which was only fair. They were very famous, after all. Gods and all of that. Rose preened a bit for them, flashing them her most brilliant grin, peering beneath the hood of her new and improved eye-catching ensemble. 

"Rose," Kanaya said. "What are we doing?" She sounded tired, which absolutely wouldn’t do. 

"Allow me to remind you, I am the biological daughter of the owner’s very best friend," Rose said in sing-song tones, pausing to wink at a finely dressed -- and rather fine in general -- woman that was staring particularly wide-eyed. It couldn’t be helped. The woman’s little red dress hugged all her curves in all the right ways. "We’re always welcome. It’s implicit. We simply have to wait for someone in the know to let us on in. And really, even that is just a courtesy." 

"Of course," Kanaya sighed. 

And… Rose frowned. She didn’t sound very excited. She had to be _excited_ , this was exciting! She nudged Kanaya with her chin, tsking loudly. Simultaneously, she spotted Roxy in the gathering crowd within, squinting at her so intently that her entire face was scrunched up with the effort of it. Fleeting and uncomfortable concern forgotten, Rose laughed with delight and waved at her coyly, more just wiggling her fingers. Vague worry evaporated in a wash of smug satisfaction.

"When was the last time I took you on a date _this_ fancy?" Rose teased her, still in that playful, sing-song voice. She couldn’t seem to stop using it. 

"This was not supposed to be a date," Kanaya said, ever patient, if obviously misinformed. "This was supposed to be a mission to return a very strange and powerful juju to its rightful owner, and also, hopefully acquire some tips and tricks on how to get you back to normal as quickly as possible." 

Rose wavered in the air, brow wrinkling. She shook her head, and the unpleasantness passed, fleeting as a fart on the wind. She giggled. "I am _multitasking_ , darling. It’s a valuable skill that all intelligent and successful people possess, including yourself, so please! Don’t be like that." Rose nudged her again. "And -- _normal?_ What is normal, really? Normal is just a word we use to make the interesting and unique ashamed to be true to itself." 

"Interesting and unique," Kanaya repeated, voice flat. "Well, that is accurate, I suppose." 

"Have I mentioned that I feel absolutely amazing? You have to feel it to understand it, I think. Hm, hm, let’s see. Oh!" She pursed her lips and made suggestive kissing sounds. Kanaya rolled her eyes, but Rose could see the smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. If she could simply _understand_ … "I could kiss you. I seem to recall that trolls are resistant to the effect, but perhaps --" 

"Normally I would be very eager to kiss you, Rose, but --" 

"Oh, would you now?" 

"Obviously, but in this particular case --" 

Rose twirled her around, giggling. "No, no, just how eager? Tell me all about this eagerness you regularly have for kissing me, Kanaya, I find myself utterly fascinated by the topic." 

Kanaya’s face went a lovely, telltale shade of green, but in the end it was Roxy who saved her. The nearby window scraped as she hit the latch from inside and swung it open. A heavenly billow of sweet-scented warm air hit them both, and Rose sighed, closing her eyes and swaying in the air. 

"Please tell me that Callie is here," Kanaya said, directing this to Roxy. "Or that you can somehow fix this." 

"Oh my god," Roxy said, hefting her elbows up onto the windowsill and cradling her chin in her hands. "What is happening? What are you _wearing?_ What -- I mean, just a big ol’ all around what the _fuck_ is going on here, exactly?" 

"She found Callie’s juju," Kanaya explained. 

"Or maybe," Rose amended, peering very mysteriously out from beneath her hood, "That damned lollipop went out of its way to find me, did you even think of that?" She supplemented her display with an uncanny smirk. "Perhaps it’s graced with some prescient seer-like intuition of its own, and it knows exactly when a woman needs to get out of her own head and into a blissful euphoric state of existence, instead. I feel _wonderful_ , in case that wasn’t obvious." 

"Rose, honey," Roxy laughed, and her tone was genuinely mirthful, but there was something in her eyes that Rose didn’t like one bit. Something that glittered with concern, yes, but also something very like disapproval. "I know _exactly_ how you feel, believe me. And what you’ve gotta understand is it ain’t real, and square inside our own heads is exactly where you and I and everyone in the whole damn world belongs." 

"Excuse you," Rose tossed her head back, letting her hood flutter back down over her shoulders. A little touch of irritation threaded through her and then disappeared in a bubble of euphoria. She giggled. Waved dismissively. "I think you’ll find that even in this state, I have no less than _perfect_ control over my faculties. Now then! My beloved spouse and I would like a table, so that I can continue wooing her with anticipatory tales of how wonderful our upcoming anniversary is going to be." 

With that, she lifted her nose and swooped in through the window, practically knocking Roxy aside. Roxy, for her part, snorted dramatically and shut the window behind them, whispering something to a wide-eyed waiter standing nearby. The gathered crowd parted for Rose as she floated through the rich yet sensibly decorated kitchenette -- so very _Jane_ \-- many of them gaping openly. They passed the pretty woman with the tight red dress, and Rose couldn’t help herself; she whistled at her, tossing another wink her way. The woman’s cheeks went absolutely scarlet. Beautiful. Kanaya shifted in her arms. 

Most of the tables were empty, what with everyone up and about to stare at their grand entrance, so Rose just picked one. She set Kanaya down gently, pulling out the seat for her and bowing deeply, polite as you please. See? Perfect control of her faculties. She snickered to herself. Nevermind the half-full glasses and basket of freshly baked rolls. Kanaya looked from the seat to her and back again, and Rose was pleased to see a lovely green blush on _her_ cheeks, too. 

"I think this is someone else’s table," Kanaya informed her, whispering. 

"Nonsense. This is an exclusive establishment! Very high demand. If you’re silly enough to leave your seat completed untended you forfeit your right to dinner, those are the rules." 

"I am almost positive that is not actually how it works," Kanaya said, still whispering, fidgeting in place. "Also, I am _extremely_ underdressed for this, and you are --" she gestured, incomprehensibly. 

"Yes, darling? You were saying? I am?" Rose pushed her toward her seat, and slid gracefully into her own, steepling her fingers over the table. She wiggled her eyebrows, and this time, the gesture was noticed. "I am what, now? Thoughtful? Charming? Exceptionally clever and full of the best ideas?" 

Roxy caught up to them, standing arms akimbo beside their table, like the world’s most oppressive chaperone. Rose turned to face her, raising a single brow.

"I think she has a point, Rose," Roxy said, approaching them with her hands on her hips. "Have you looked in a mirror? _Yowza._ " 

"If we are talking about my mode of dress, you’re hardly one to talk. At least I am reasonably certain I don’t have any cotton candy in my hair." 

"No," Roxy agreed. "I think you’ve got ice cream." 

" _What?_ " Rose lifted a hand, blinking, and indeed found something large and strange attached to her normally quite sensible and fashionable headband. She slid her fingers down it and gasped -- cold. She shook her fingers. Sticky, too. She stuck them in her mouth. Ah, yes. Sweet. 

"That’s the damndest thing, ain’t it?" Roxy directed this at Kanaya, shrugging. "How does it not melt? Who knows, who cares. _Magic_." Roxy wiggled her fingers. Kanaya sunk down into her chair, covering her face with her hands. 

Rose paused. Another little shiver of doubt went through her. Was she not enjoying herself? Was she not having _fun_? "Kanaya?" 

Kanaya looked up, but at Roxy, not her. "How do we cure her," she said, matter of factly. 

"Now, hold on just a minute! I think I have been very clear, I am not interested in a cure!"

"Not sure there is a cure," Roxy said, and Kanaya mouthed something that Rose was pretty sure was not polite or suited to high society. "Think you just gotta wait this out, but I’ll have the expert on the line in just a sec. You’ve got that sucker with you, Rose, don’t you?" 

"Hm? The juju? Why, yes. I have it right here," Rose said, pulling it out from beneath her cloak. Roxy’s eyes went wide, flashing with something very near to genuine alarm, and she took a very long step back. 

The crowd was still staring. Rose lifted up out of her seat, twirling in the air with the juju held before her like a talisman. Roxy was gesturing frantically, now, waving her arms, but Rose paid her absolutely no mind. The woman could be so silly. "Let’s play a game," Rose said instead, grinning and crooking her finger toward the nearest woman -- a tall, rather beautiful woman, at that. She was dressed in blue and purple, blinking at her from behind a pair of thick cat’s eye glasses. "If my own family won’t indulge me, let’s start with you, lovely. Let’s all take a lick off this thing, shall we? We can divide into groups. Those of us that think Roxy and Kanaya are right and we need to be cured, and those of us that think this is fucking wonderful and should last for god damn ever." 

The woman licked her lips, looking a bit like a mouse caught in a trap, but she didn’t take her eyes off the lollipop. It could be compelling, that way. Rose swooped down toward her.

And Roxy met in her mid-air, catching her by the wrist. "Rose, hon, I don’t think that’s a good idea," she said. 

Ahh. Big talker. But it was plain as day that she was staring at the lollipop, too. Rose smirked at her. Batted her eyes, the very picture of pixie innocence.

"Be honest," she said. "You want a taste, too. I know." She held it out. "By all means. It would really make all this much easier, yes?" 

"No," Roxy squeaked, letting her go, pushing herself back in the air. But she licked her lips, still staring at it. Rose waved it like a pendulum, back and forth. 

"But doesn’t it just look so very _tasty_? I suppose I could kiss you, but that might a little scandalous…" Rose laughed, darting forward in the air. Roxy dodged aside easily, but that was fine. She wasn’t her target. The lady in blue was. "How about you? You look very kissable, if you’ll allow me to say so." 

"I," the woman said, stuttering incoherently, stammering in place. 

And Rose might have actually swooped in and kissed her, except at that exact moment the heavy double doors leading back into the kitchen proper flew wide open and out strode Jane Crocker herself, voice like a whipcrack. Beside her, Rose recognized Callie, wide-eyed and practically clinging to Jane’s expansive crimson skirts.

" _Rose Lalonde-Maryam_!" Jane snapped, and Rose actually froze in mid-air, blinking. "Just what do you think you are doing to my customers!" 

"I am offering them some _fun_! Some excitement, Jane! A chance to be something more than their mundane selves, if only for a little while!" She spun back around and took blue-dress girl by the hands, swinging her up into the air. She gasped and colored prettily, clinging tight to her as Rose spun them round and round. "Also," Rose trilled, "I may have been engaging in a very interesting social experiment, the results of which would have proven me right, if you hadn’t just interrupted me. Very rudely, I might add. What’s your name, honey? I can’t exactly call you Blue Dress Girl forever." 

Rose halted their frenzied rotation, holding her aloft, tilting her head expectantly. 

"This is going to sound silly," the woman said, looking at her with eyes like twin moons, "but I’ve just absolutely plumb forgot." 

And Rose just laughed. "Oh, yes," she practically purred, leaning in close. "I do have that effect on people." She pulled away, letting the woman go, and darted around the room. God, but they were all gorgeous, here. Gorgeous, exclusive people in a gorgeous, exclusive place. None of them could hold a candle to Kanaya, of course, but … 

She stopped, staring back at her wife. Kanaya wasn’t even looking at her. Instead, a busty hybrid troll with horns even less impressive than Karkat’s was occupying all her attention, sidling up to Rose’s side of their table with brazen intent. Kanaya had her hands over her face, and she was -- _laughing_? Yes! She was laughing! At this complete and utter stranger, this nobody, this -- and she hadn’t laughed at a single one of Rose’s obviously superior and much more deserving quips all night!

"Excuse you!" Rose snapped, darting in, face thunderous. "Are you flirting with my wife?" 

Kanaya lowered her hands, blinking at her, caught somewhere between horror and deep bemusement. Her sly companion simply quirked a grin at Rose, tilted her pretty chin up and nodded once. 

"I don’t see why not," this presumptuous stranger drawled out at her. "Obviously, the two of you have an _arrangement_ , and if I have half a chance with the most gorgeously impressive of all our Creators _combined_ , you bet your sparkling ass I’m giving it my best shot." She turned back to Kanaya. "So what do you say?" 

"Absolutely not!" Rose insisted, stamping her foot. 

"You don’t even know what I asked!" 

"That is my _wife_!"

"Well, _that_ sure isn’t," the half-troll shrugged, gesturing back toward the still dazed-looking woman in blue. Rose exhaled hard through her nose, stamping again. 

"Don’t fight," Callie pleaded, and Rose glanced back -- she and Jane were nearly upon them.

"For the love of all that is good in this world," Jane said, lifting a hand and pinching at the bridge of her nose, pushing her lovely red spectacles up her face as she did so. "Kanaya. Callie. I don’t care who. Someone less inclined to actually partake of that thing’s sinister magic please relieve Rose of the juju at once." 

"Rose," Kanaya said, holding out her hand. 

"Do you like her better than me?" Rose asked her, flinging the question like a dagger. Kanaya sighed. 

"Give me the juju, Rose," she said. 

"That is not an answer!" 

And it was the strangest thing. The bubbling euphoria, the wonderful lightness, the carefree sensation that came with knowing nothing mattered except whatever you wished to matter in the moment -- it was all beginning to feel very stretched. Fake. Strained. She lifted her hands to her head, shaking it hard. No, it couldn’t be over. She remembered the wedding. Everyone else had gotten a whole night! A whole night divided from their self conscious, a whole night of blissful escape from the most inconvenient trappings of human psychology. She sucked in a breath. 

It wasn’t _fair._

"Are you mad at me?" Rose asked, trying a different tack. "You are, aren’t you? Did you hate every moment of it? Are -- are you going to leave with _her_?"

The colors were fading from the world, all the brightness and whimsy dulling to shades of _normal_.

And -- oh no. 

Kanaya looked _mortified_. She really wasn’t enjoying herself, was she? 

She felt something struggle at the back of her mind, a feeble wave of sugar-fueled assurance that everything was fine, that nothing was wrong and that she should just keep on doing whatever she liked, but it was impossible to surrender to in the face of that. She shook her head, hard. Her vision blurred. The lollipop felt heavy in her hands. 

"No, Rose, I won’t be leaving with her. And I didn’t hate every moment." Kanaya paused, considering. She sounded so very tired. "The flying was nice. I always enjoy the flying. But this is too much. You’re not yourself." She turned to face Jane, instead. "Will taking it away even help?"’ She still sounded so tired. 

"It couldn’t hurt," Jane snorted. "In the meantime! Roxy, please help me escort the rest of these good people out." The babble of the crowd swelled loud enough to be distracting, again. "Yes, everyone!" Jane shouted over it, gesturing. "Just this way, and I know you have questions, and I promise we’ll sort all of this out…" 

A squabbling wave of confused public swept through the kitchenette. More than one diner paused awkwardly nearby them, boggling at the opportunity to see them close up. Such an exclusive opportunity. Rose kept her eyes on the floor, feeling suddenly -- exhausted. Roxy landed to help herd them, and Rose felt a pang of guilt puncture straight through the struggling remnants of her sugar high and lance her directly through the chest. She’d ruined all these people’s evening, hadn’t she? 

No. 

Surely not. They’d all been rightfully enriched by her presence, as always. 

She sucked in a slightly unsteady breath. 

"Rose," Kanaya said, holding out her hand. "Give me the juju." 

"Are you mad at me?" Rose asked, plaintively. "You never answered." Wait -- no. She hadn’t meant to ask that. She’d meant to -- tease her, flip out a clever little quip, find some way to turn all this around. Was her lip quivering? What was this?

Kanaya frowned, considering it, and just the fact that she didn’t immediately deny it practically confirmed it wholesale. Rose’s shoulders slumped, and a moment later her legs gave out, sending her to her knees on the beautiful, immaculately plush crimson carpet. 

"Fuck," she said, and Kanaya blinked at her, startling at the outburst. "I’ve ruined everything, haven’t I? Our date. Our anniversary. I knew I would. I knew I would overthink it and overplan it and drag you somewhere you didn’t want to go and just ruin it, and, God, I don’t -- what the fuck is _wrong_ with me?" Rose lifted her hands to her head as she said this, and they each felt light they weighed a thousand pounds each.

Her vision blurred, and she slumped forward, feeling herself change, mentally and physically. Entering this state had been a wonderful, blissful, almost euphoric metamorphosis, and fittingly, this was the exact opposite. Which was to say, it was fucking terrible. The world went grey, color draining right along with her energy, and she would have fallen over right onto her face if Kanaya hadn’t lunged forward and caught her. 

"Rose?" Faintly, she could hear the concern in her wife’s voice, and that, at least, was nice. She couldn’t have ruined everything, if Kanaya could still be so concerned about her. "Shit. Rose, wait -- Roxy? Jane? Something is wrong with --" 

The greys darkened into blacks, and it all melted away into incomprehensible mush. 

*

The second she woke, she wished that she hadn’t. 

For one, her head was absolutely pounding. For another, once the initial shock of her throbbing skull passed into dull acceptance, recollection came not far behind. It was humiliating, and not just because she’d been an absolute ass to several people who deserved better. There was a more specific kind of shame to it, the kind that came from knowing she’d faced down a compulsion and lost. The kind that mirrored the spiral she’d nearly succumbed to on the meteor with her alchemized gin and vermouth. 

She sat up, mouth twisting, squinting into the half-light of… where was she? Her bedroom? She sat blinking at the curtains for several solid minutes, waiting for her brain to grind into full operation. Yes, her bedroom. Well. Hers and Kanaya’s. 

Her grimace deepened. Kanaya. _Happy early anniversary, love of my life,_ she thought, sure to make the internal monologue as viciously sardonic as possible. Christ, what a debacle. 

She flopped back onto the bedsheets and pillows, yanking the coverlet up over her face. She’d have to face everyone eventually, but that didn’t have to mean right now. 

There was no way to know how much time passed while she half-dozed there in a painful, embarrassed fugue. She became aware of other aches and pains - her shoulders, her arms. Had she actually carried Kanaya bridal-style all the way to Crocker HQ? Good god. She became vaguely aware of being thirsty, a concern which started fairly minor and soon became even more pressing than the pounding in her skull. She’d have to get up, soon. 

She heard the door open before she managed it. She froze under the coverlet, aware that she should sit up and face the music, but not especially wanting to. 

Her visitor clucked their tongue. Rose heard their footsteps, from the door to the bed to around the bed to stand beside her. She’d assumed it was Kanaya, but something about the cadence of it wasn’t right -- the way they walked, the gait was too long, the voice too high. Rose blinked beneath the covers. 

And her visitor lifted them off her, gazing down at her with wide green eyes. 

"Aha," Callie said, too cheerfully, smiling beatifically over her. "I had a feeling you might be faking, darling. But can I blame you? Goodness, just look at you! You’ve had quite a time of it, haven’t you?" 

Rose blinked slowly, studying her face. Callie, her mother’s mischievous alien paramour, the literally cherubic source of the very juju that had brought her to this. Not that she had ever meant any harm, of course. 

"Yes," she said, finally. "Yes, I would say I most certainly have. Not to be rude, but do you know where Kanaya is?" 

"Of course. She is just outside, and so is Roxy. They are waiting for you to be awake! I had a suspicion that your exhaustion should have worn off by now, so I offered to come and check up on you. But if you would rather I fetched one of them…" Callie stepped back, and turned as though to go. She didn’t seem offended, exactly, but… Rose sighed. 

"I just -- need to apologize. To Roxy, as well. And Jane. And you, though I don’t recall seeing you at the time." 

"No, but I assure you, I was watching you." Callie put one hand on her hip, tilting her head playfully. "You were quite exquisite. Your clothes, your hair, your exuberance. It was rather breathtaking. For awhile, at least." She paused, and then actually colored, her cheeks flushing a deeper shade of green. She laughed. "That sounded a bit forward, didn’t it? I didn’t mean it quite like that. I just love all Tricksters. Though I have come to understand of course that the effect of the juju is not as desirable among other species as it is among mine." 

"You’re telling me that cherubs find that state… desirable." 

Callie’s cheeks darkened even further, her wide, wide eyes sliding bashfully away. "The cherub intersection with happiness as a concept is rather complicated," she said. Rose simply stared at her, unsure what to say. "I have learned quite a lot since I last suggested this particular solution, and though I understand why you all have generally come away from the experience with negative opinions, I can’t help but find it… beautiful." She coughed. "Again, not like that. Beautiful in the way the people of this world find the concept of all of us as their Creators, I suppose. Beautiful in the way that art and divinity are beautiful." 

"Callie," Rose said, closing her eyes, "That’s lovely and all, but I am presently suffering from the worst headache I think I have ever had, and I’m worried that my wife might be understandable upset with me. I’m in no state to debate the concepts of beauty, art and divinity at the present. Can we take a rain check?" 

Callie nodded a little too enthusiastically, starting back toward the door. "Of course," she said, her tone soft and apologetic. "I shall inform the others that you are awake and wish to speak with them."

"Wait," Rose said, thinking back through the previous night’s events. "I do have a question. Two, actually." 

"Yes?" 

"First -- do you have the juju?" 

"Oh, yes. I’ve put it safely away, I assure you! No more stumbling over it in unexpected places. Or being pushed toward stumbling over it by certain famously pushy entities, I suppose." 

"How… do you know about that?" 

Callie just shrugged. Rose glanced around suspiciously. Was Jasprose _here_? She shook her head, opting to investigate that particular tidbit later. "Second… what the hell happened to me, last night? I’ve heard the stories from the night of the wedding. Everyone was well under the spell of that thing until they passed out for the night. Hours longer than I was, at least." 

"Ah, yes." Callie leaned against the doorframe, adopting a thoughtful expression. "I have theories on that matter. Tricksters are incapable of reconciling negative emotion to reality, in general. Negativity is simply incompatible with their very existence! Therefore, if a Trickster happens to be put into a situation where they cannot escape negative emotion…" Callie clapped her hands together. Rose winced at the sharp sound, recoiling bodily. "Oh! I’m so sorry, I forgot. Sound sensitivity is but one of many symptoms you all seem to suffer in the aftermath of an episode." 

"It’s fine," Rose muttered, probably not very convincingly. Callie sighed. 

"In any case, I suspect that’s what happened. Some inescapable negative emotion overwhelmed your poor senses, and negated the effects of the transformation. I would say that I hope you are feeling better, now, but -- well, that would just be silly, wouldn’t it?" She opened the door behind her. "I’ll fetch the others. And find you some water, poor thing, you must be very thirsty." She bowed once and then scurried out, tiny feet pattering down the hall. God, it shouldn’t have been so _loud_. Their carpets were so thick you could practically sink to your ankles in them. 

She mulled over the information while she waited, butterflies dancing nervously in her stomach. Was Kanaya still upset at her? Was Roxy? Jane most certainly had to be. What could she even say? 

Kanaya was first through the door, and the sight of her sent Rose’s thoughts skittering. She ducked in hesitantly, almost like she was afraid of what she might see, and Rose waved at her in a way she realized only in immediate retrospect was probably extremely lame. But Kanaya waved back, straightening as though the gesture had emboldened her. 

"I realize that you’re probably upset with me," Rose began. 

"Not as much as you might think," Kanaya said, and relief crashed into Rose like a wave at the way she flashed a little fanged grin at her while she said it. "I will say, I am not exactly thrilled that you cut a magical block out of the side of my favorite grub cave." 

"God," Rose groaned, covering her face. "I had hoped that part wasn’t an actual memory." 

"Oh no. It was very real, and maddeningly inconvenient." 

"I’ll find some way to fix that." 

"Thank you." Kanaya lowered herself cautiously onto the edge of the bed, eyeing her curiously. "Roxy wanted to know how shitty you feel right now, on a scale of one to ten. I’m a little curious, too." 

"God. Nine, at least," Rose admitted, dropping her hands and smiling wanly. "I probably look like hell, don’t I? Bet you’re thrilled you married this, now." 

"Emphatically yes," Kanaya said, and Rose looked away, embarrassed at the way her heart fluttered. "Though yes, you do look rather like hell. And not the distressingly compelling sort of hell, either. I can see the vascular tubes in your face." 

Rose fell back against the sheets with a groan, turning her face into the pillows. "I could use some of that water Callie said she was going to find, now," she admitted, muffled into the fabric. 

"Well, perhaps she should come in and offer it, then, instead of continuing to eavesdrop just outside the doorway." 

A surprised little squeak and a warm laugh sounded simultaneously. "It was not wholly my idea," Callie said, voice full of apology. 

"Of course it wasn’t," Roxy said, and Rose heard her approach, heavy footfalls that ended with a shadow over her and Roxy’s cool hand pressed against the back of her head. "My poor baby," she sighed. "Can you blame me? Had to make sure you weren’t too hard on yourself and all. Callie’s got your drink, come on, sit up." 

It took some effort, but Rose managed to maneuver herself back into a sitting position. Their bedroom wasn’t small, exactly, but four people was certainly a crowd for it -- just slightly claustrophobic. Callie handed her a glass and Rose drained it in four gulps. Roxy laughed. 

"You’ll feel better in a few hours," she said. "Promise." 

"Thank god," Rose muttered. What were a few hours in the scheme of eternity, really? 

More than they should have been, with her head throbbing like this. She grimaced. 

"How did you get me back here?" she asked, finally, half afraid of the answer. 

"Oh, you know Jane. She has transportalizers set up to just about every major hub on the planet now, so it wasn’t as far a journey as it could have been." Roxy winked at her. "Your wonder woman of a wife over there did most of the heavy lifting." 

"Rose isn’t heavy," Kanaya protested. Then, after a moment, "Well, not especially heavy," she amended. Then she winced at how the amendment sounded aloud, and quickly re-amended the amendment. "That is, I do not mind carrying her at all, whatsoever." Honestly, relatable. Rose laughed weakly into her palms. 

"Tell Jane I’m very sorry," Rose said, and Roxy made a derisive snorting sound that she had no idea how to interpret, really. 

"I’ll tell her, but she’s not going to be moved by secondhand messages. You’re going to have to come up with an apology yourself. And it’ll have to be a good one, so you’d better start brainstorming soon." 

"Right," Rose sighed. 

"Jane will come around before too long," Callie said, but even she sounded a little nervous. 

"In any case…" Roxy looked from Rose, to Kanaya, and then back again, grinning at them in highly unnerving fashion. "Seems like you aren’t dying, and I’m sure you both want a little more alone time in the aftermath of all that, so --" 

"Oh," Callie said, blinking. "Oh, yes. We should go, shouldn’t we? Do you need anything else? If you need anything, you will give us a ring, won’t you? We’ll keep our messaging devices close by!" Callie fished around in her pocket for her phone, holding it triumphantly aloft. 

"Absolutely," Rose said, though she had no idea where her phone was, presently.

"And thank you for your help," Kanaya added, bashfully. 

"And _please_ keep that damn lollipop locked up somewhere safe," Rose said. Roxy and Callie both nodded in unison. 

"You bet your hungover little butt we will," Roxy said, quite seriously. Callie was blushing, again. "Remember, lots of water, and try to get some food in you before too long, got that? Text if you need us. We’re gonna go bury that thing somewhere no one will ever find it. _Aren’t_ we, Callie?" 

"I _suppose_ ," Callie sighed. Roxy held out her hand, Callie took it, and they both waved on their way out. 

The silence that greeted their departure was deafening. 

"Well," Rose said, just to end it. Kanaya nodded. 

"Well," she agreed. 

"I’m afraid I’ve spoiled everything," Rose said, and her throat closed over after the words were out. She looked way. "I’m a fucking idiot." 

"That is the last word I think I would ever use to describe you," Kanaya said, and she sounded for all the world like she was genuinely mystified. "And you haven’t spoiled anything. Except the nursery, I suppose. Which we’ve already discussed, I think?" 

"I mean, our -- the, you know. This weekend. The date. Our anniversary. I’ve ruined everything, haven’t I?" 

"Rose," Kanaya sighed. She scooted closer, sliding her arm around her. Rose snuggled closer despite herself. "That damn anniversary you’re so worked up about is still days away! And everything you talked about sounds like it will be more than enough. I honestly have no idea what you could possibly be worried about. Well, no. I think I understand that i was meant to be a surprise. But I don’t mind knowing the plans. In fact, I think I would rather know, so I can prepare myself properly. It just makes more sense to keep everyone informed, doesn’t it?" 

Rose laughed, weakly, shaking her head against Kanaya’s shoulder. "Yes, Kanaya, but just think. What about the _romance_. Planning everything out so dryly, so meticulously, so _pragmatically_. Where is the spontaneity? The wondrous delight? Why, Karkat would be appalled at us." 

Kanaya laughed at this, and Rose caught her exaggerated eye roll from the corner of her peripheral vision. "Karkat can conduct his anniversaries however he likes. Ours are none of his business." 

"Agreed," Rose said, firmly. 

Her head was still pounding -- in fact, she felt as though she’d been bludgeoned head to toe by a very thorough hit squad -- but strangely, she still somehow felt enormously better than she had when she first woke. The thought that they might still salvage something from yesterday’s disaster was an invigorating one. 

"So. After nearly a year, you don’t have any regrets? Not even after that display?" 

"Of course not." Kanaya leaned back and stared at her like she’d sprouted a second head. "Rose. It would take a lot more than a magical cherub juju to change the way I feel about you, I can promise you that." 

"Well. That’s reassuring," Rose said, and she didn’t mean for it to sound sarcastic, but Kanaya’s lips pursed together and Rose’s chest tightened as she realized she’d taken it that way, regardless. 

"I love you, Rose Lalonde-and-also-Maryam. Very, very much. Honestly, the thing I found most upsetting last night wasn’t the talk about your plans. I enjoyed that, actually, at least on a certain level." 

"But you were miserable," Rose said. "In fact, based on what Callie said, I think it was your misery that snapped me out of that hell candy’s saccharine grasp. I remember thinking you seemed so upset, and I couldn’t fathom why or how to fix it…" Rose frowned, brows furrowing. "That had to have been it." 

"That and the other woman," Kanaya said, cheeks coloring. "Well. Women." Rose looked away, brows furrowing. "They were very beautiful, I suppose." 

"God," Rose muttered, slapping a hand to her face. "That’s right. I’d actually managed to fucking forget what an ass I made out of myself in that particular regard. Good lord. I am _so_ sorry." 

"It’s all right." 

"I upset you." 

"Well, I’ve stopped being upset. Mostly now I’m just worried about you." 

"Well," Rose said, voice wavering a bit. "That’s very sweet. And I promise the only woman I actually have any eyes for is you." 

"Oh." Kanaya blinked at her, and then smiled, so quick and shy Rose almost missed it. Her heart fluttered. "Well. Likewise, if it must be said." 

"Thank you," Rose said, with feeling.

"You are all right, aren’t you? I don’t remember there being any permanent effects for anyone else…" 

"I’m fine. It’s a hangover. I’ll survive." Rose laughed, just a touch bitterly. "I’d thought for sure I’d never feel this way again. It’s more than a little embarrassing. God, I’d forgotten how shitty it is." 

"It does seem very shitty," Kanaya said, somberly. 

"The absolute shittiest," Rose sighed, leaning heavily against her. Kanaya squeezed her tight, and then began rubbing little circles into the small of her back. Rose sighed, practically crawling into her lap. Fuck it. What pride did she have to lose for the moment, exactly? 

"Do you need me to get you anything? More water, maybe. Roxy said you should eat something." 

"Absolutely not." 

"But…" 

"Kanaya." Rose lifted her head. Took a deep breath. "I promise you, all I need from you right now is for you to stay right here and just …" _Keep holding me_ , she thought. Couldn’t bring herself to say it. She almost laughed. She gave Dave and Dirk so very much shit, and here she was, choking on all this emotional constipation of her own. Hypocrite. She swallowed. "Stay," she finished, lamely. 

"If you say so," Kanaya said. She sounded uncertain, but she made no move to leave, so that was something. 

Rose imagined Dave laughing at her. She grit her teeth. 

"Also, I love you, very, very much, and every day I’m newly baffled by your willingness to put up with my shit." 

There. Eat shit, Dave.

Kanaya laughed. "I love putting up with your shit," she said, fondly. "Mostly." 

"I _will_ find a way to fix the nursery," Rose promised. Kanaya gave her a fond little pat, and nodded. 

"Yes, you will," she said. "But first, you need to rest. And also, I think we have an anniversary to celebrate." 

"So generous," Rose teased. 

"Well, it is traditional to give gifts on important anniversaries, I hear." 

Rose laughed, bumping her with her shoulder. "Thank god I married such a gift giving savant." 

"Yes, you’re very lucky," Kanaya smiled at her. "And so am I. Now. Do you think you can make it to the kitchen table?" 

"I am genuinely unsure." 

"Let’s try it," Kanaya said, sliding off the bed. Rose followed, landing on unsteady legs. 

They made it about five feet before Rose tripped over Kanaya’s feet, nearly sending them both sprawling to the floor. Kanaya caught them with one hand on the wall, and Rose slumped heavily against her, breathing hard. Kanaya examined this situation for roughly three seconds, then bent and lifted Rose up over her shoulder like it was nothing, planting one hand directly on her ass to steady her. Rose’s face went positively vermillion, her mouth filled with protests, all of which were ignored, and their laughter mingled and echoed all the way down the hall. 

*

She found her phone later that night, tucked safely under her pillow, blinking with dozens of unread messages. One in particular caught her eye, mostly because of how rare it was to see in the list. They had an unspoken truce, most days.

TT: I think that we are probably not as different as you think, are we, Rose?  
TT: Not that I don’t understand the urge to avoid unfortunate truths. I myself have had to come to terms with some interesting facts about myself since resurrecting as a sprite and also partially a cat. :3  
TT: But perhaps we can stop studiously stalking around each other like puffed up toms carving out their territory in the world’s most pungent, rodent-filled back alley somewhere between now and the great wide yonder of eternity?  
TT: Just a thought.  


"Rose? Is something wrong?" 

She looked up. Smoothed her face out, with effort. Gently set her phone back under her pillow and just barely resisted the urge to punch it like a child. 

"Everything is just fine." She smiled. Shot Kanaya her most alluring sort of look, eyebrows raised invitingly. "Of course, you could improve it tremendously by coming just a little bit closer." 

Kanaya was very pretty when she blushed. Pretty enough by far to push away all thoughts of meddling cats and alternate selves. 

For awhile, at least.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Tumblr at [@landofsomethingsomething](http://landofsomethingsomething.tumblr.com)!


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